I still remember it vividly, as if it were yesterday. There I was, overlooking everything in a out-of-body realm experience. The smells. The sounds. The emotions. The sunlight pouring into the room. And the serenity. Amongst all the commotion happening, everything felt peaceful. And I remember feeling tired to my soul, as if my heart and mind could tolerate no more. I called out to Him, in desperation.
“Dear God, please no more. My patience has worn thin.”
There she was, sitting next to him, for hours. Just the two of them. The scurrying of nurses coming into say goodbye told her one thing: the months of agony were close to an end.
Just a little more…just a little more.
She was parched, desperate for a tall glass of icy water to cool the lump in her throat. But as she moved for the jug just a few feet away, he grabbed her hands, his fingers magnetized to her tips. And so she sat, waiting for another nurse to walk in, asking to be of any assistance.
The room had a constant flow of people–family, nurses, doctors, friends. They came with moral support, more than anything. And to say their final goodbyes. At one point, she leaned over and whispered something in his ear. He smiled and nodded.
And then came the silence. Slowly, everyone left the room. She sat next to him, with a smile. An overwhelming sense of calm overtook her mind and she relaxed. She looked at him, and his eyes shot open. He looked up and his eyes began fluttering. She grabbed his hand and started praying, with affirmation in her voice.
La illaha illallah. (There is no one worthy of worship but Him). La illaha illallah. La illaha illallah.
And then he was gone. Gone with a small smile on his face. Gone with the name of God being the last thing he heard. Gone from the world that he was desperate to leave and into a world he longed for.
As his soul left his body, the tiredness I had felt earlier left mine. For the first time in a long time, I felt relaxed, not having to worry about the next bad news from the doctor or the potential side effects of the next round of chemo.
That day, Allah (SWT) showed me one thing. He knows how much I can handle, before reaching my breaking point. And He knows exactly when I’m about to fall. And every time, He has caught me, gently placing me back on the path that I walk.