…change your way of thinking.
Some pieces of advice just cling to my heart and move me. And that piece of advice moved me. “If you can’t change your situation, change your way of thinking.” It makes life seem so much easier if I can just do one simple thing and just change my attitude. Don’t get me wrong…I’m not sitting around moping about why things are the way they are. If there’s anything I’ve learned NOT to do…it’s question the situation that Allah (SWT) has placed in my hands. But you know, it does get hard. And I have this tendency to let things pile up, emotionally, and then, after a while, everything just pops. Like a balloon with too much air. Boom. People tell me I’m strong but that word is just a facade. I’m not strong. I just choose to ignore the situation, thinking that it’ll eventually fade and I’ll be fine again.
It’s better, I’m learning, to acknowledge the situation, admit something is hard and learn how to maneuver through it. And if there’s no way to change the situation, then I better change my attitude about it. Because that boom that my emotions tend to do every once in a while is unhealthy.
Case in point: Single motherhood is hard. No doubt. Motherhood by itself, is hard. Obviously, there’s not going to be a prince on a magic carpet,knocking at my window, claiming he can show my daughter and I the world. At least, not right now. Is there anything I can do to change it? Nope. But I sure can change how I feel about the situation and think in a way that it is healthy and not so boom-like.
Case in point: When Safiyah’s dad first passed away, I had a smile on my face for a while. I kept telling myself that it wasn’t hard…that I’d been through so much worse and that widowhood was going to be a breeze. Wrong. I should have just acknowledged the situation and admit that it was going to be hard and deal with the roller coaster of emotions, instead of trying to be nonchalant about it and let the emotions pile up. You know that drop after the coaster gets to the highest point? It’s not so fun when it’s your heart riding the drop. Alhamdulillah, I’ve had some really terrific friends who have helped me maneuver through the delayed emotions and I am in a much better place now.
I always tell people to ride their emotions out. It’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to be hurt. It’s okay to cry. The first step to fixing your problems is admitting that you have problems that you need to work through. And however you choose to work through them, remember that you are human. And that your problems do not define you. Even the greatest man to ever walk on this planet (SAW) admitted to pain and defeat. But he still kept going. And so can you.
On a side note, a belated Eid Mubarak, y’all!